Tottie

About Tottie

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Hobbit House in Italy

Ramblings about my trips to Hobbit House in Italy

I’ve been sadly neglecting this poor blog of late, so please excuse me. To make up for it, two posts for the price of one today. I have a new travelogue out today, about my recent trip to Italy to visit one friend and introduce her to another. And to revisit the wonderful Hobbit House in Italy where I had such a fabulous minibreak last year.

It was such fun, I wrote a small travelogue about it, as is my habit. It costs less than a decent coffee, takes slightly longer to read than to drink one and you can find it here. http://hyperurl.co/oe5135

Return to Hobbit House

I’d had such fun on my trip there, making the journey by train – well, eleven trains in total, there and back, to be precise – I decided I’d like to go back again and take my best friend Jill to meet my other best friend, also called Jill, who runs the glamping (glamorous camping) operation which includes Hobbit House. And again, I wrote a humorous travelogue about it. http://hyperurl.co/i93u3y

Hobbit House revisted travelogue — Two Jills and a Tots – return to Hobbit House

It’s a short read and hopefully an amusing one. Here’s the blurb, to give you an idea of what’s in store for you:

Tottie’s on the road again. With her usual quirky humour, she describes her latest adventures on a road trip to Italy. Taking one good friend to meet another for a few days’ stay in a Hobbit House.

Nothing ever goes according to plan where Tottie is concerned. Ordering a brand new car for the trip was always going to be a gamble. But did it pay off?

And what about the planned night of wild camping on top of a big rock? Would that pass off without incident. After all, it never rains in that part of Italy in June. Does it?

Why not put the kettle on, put your feet up and join Tottie on her latest adventure.

Two Jills and a Tots - return to Hobbit House — Two Jills and a Tots – from left to right, Tottie Limejuice, Jill Pennington and Jill Evans

What’s new from Tottie Limejuice also known as L M Krier and L M Kay

Books by Tottie Limejuice and L M Krier

Retired journalist, copywriter and copy editor Lesley Tither writes under various pen-names: Tottie Limejuice for travel memoirs and humour, L M Krier for crime fiction and L M Kay for children’s fiction.

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything on this blog! Not since I started the website tottielimejuice.com in fact. But I thought it was high time I brought you up to speed with all that’s been happening to me in the couple of years or so since I last posted on here.

Travel memoirs by Tottie Limejuice

I think back then we were just at the point of the first book in what was always intended to be the Sell the Pig travel memoirs trilogy. Since then, due to my appalling maths, there are now five little pigs, in order: Sell the Pig, Is That Billinge Lump?, Mother Was It Worth It?, Biff the Useless Mention, and Angling Bumateurs.

For French speakers, book one, Sell the Pig, is also now available in French, as Maman, Vends le Cochon.

Travel memoirs about France written by Lesley Tither writing as Tottie Limejuice

Crime fiction by L M Krier

Since the first days of Sell the Pig, I’ve reinvented myself as a crime thriller writer, L M Krier, author of the DI Ted Darling of British detective/police procedurals set in Stockport, Greater Manchester. There are currently seven books in the series. All the titles are from songs and are, in order: Baby’s Got Blue Eyes, Two Little Boys, When I’m Old and Grey, Shut Up and Drive, Only the Lonely, Wild Thing, and Walk On By.

Book 8 in the DI Ted Darling series is scheduled for release in early September 2017, with another in the series planned for the New Year 2018.

Crime fiction, the DI Ted Darling series, written by Lesley Tither as L M Krier

Children’s Fiction by L M Kay

I’ve also branched out into children’s fiction with a crime twist. I actually wrote the basic idea for a story many years ago when I lived in Lincolnshire. The story is loosely based on the city of Lincoln. It’s been sitting on a very old floppy disc for years, then I eventually dug it out and reworked it. Add in some utterly stunning illustrations by Andrew Campbell-Howes and so was born The Dog with the Golden Eyes. It’s available for Kindle and in paperback and it’s well worth the paperback price of £4.99 just to see those amazing pictures full size.

Children’s fiction with a crime twist, illustrated by Andrew Campbell-Howes, written by Lesley Tither writing as L M Kay

Humour as Tottie Limejuice

For every book I produce, I work closely behind the scenes with a wonderful team of betareaders who go over everything I write to make sure it is up to standard. One of them, Kate Pill, in Australia, writes such hilarious side notes that I am often sitting crying laughing at my desk here in central France. The exchanges of humour between us get very silly and often lavatorial, but I thought it might be fun to collate them into a short book.

Almost every book emerging at the time seemed to start with ‘The Girl’ after the success of The Girl on the Train (not a favourite of mine). So just for fun I decided to call the little collection No Girl on this Train.

When I first wrote Sell the Pig, I belonged to an author site called Authonomy where I met a fellow author, Jill Pennington. I loved her book, The Diary of a Single Parent Abroad and we quickly became good friends and kindred spirits via internet.

Doris, as she is affectionately known, decided this wasn’t enough and that we should meet up in the flesh. Not only that but we should write a joint book about our mad adventure. Which we duly did, under the title of Take Three Birds.

Planned future books

As mentioned earlier, Ted Darling hasn’t finished with me yet. There will definitely be more in the series and Book 9 has already started insinuating its way into my brain.

In the face of a lot of pressure from readers, I have now started the dreaded prequel to the Sell the Pig series, even though I dislike the term. And because Doris and I had such fun producing Take Three Birds, I’ve decided to go and visit her in Italy, travelling by train all the way and writing a short and hopefully humorous piece about the great adventure.

Jill runs a glamping site (glamorous camping) in the Italian Apennines. Via her Facebook site I’ve been following the incredible saga of how she has constructed a Hobbit House from scratch so I’ve booked a dog sitter and reserved my train tickets and will be visiting in September. Of course, there will need to be a book about that adventure too.

All of which should keep me out of mischief during the cold winter months.

Author Lesley Tither, alias Tottie Limejuice, L M Krier and L M Kay, enjoying a walk in the French sunshine with her two rescued border colliers, Rosie and Fleur.

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New book releases – L M Krier and Tottie Limejuice

New book releases in travel memoirs from Tottie Limejuice

New book releases in 2016/17 from Lesley Tither writing as Tottie Limejuice (travel memoirs), L M Krier (crime fiction) and now as L M Kay (children’s fiction – action/adventure with a crime/thriller twist.

For those who missed the news, 2016 has not been a brilliant year. My brother Peter died suddenly in March, aged just 67, leaving his house and his affairs in a state of utter chaos. It’s no exaggeration to say almost every waking hour, and often some of my sleeping ones, has been taken up trying to deal with it all.

Peter J K Tither 1948-2016

Through it all, I think it’s safe to say it has been my writing which has helped me to keep it all together. Especially the DI Ted Darling crime fiction series. The Sell the Pig travel memoirs are relatively easy. They pretty much write themselves as it’s all true. It’s just a case of checking through my diaries to find out what I did and where I went when.

At the beginning of 2016, I brought out the fourth and supposedly final part of the Sell the Pig ‘trilogy’, Biff the Useless Mention. I said I wouldn’t write another one unless something dramatic happened. Well, of course, losing my brother falls into that category, so a fifth book in the trilogy which kept on going will be out later in 2017 – title as usually strictly under wraps until public, (it’s one of my brother’s favourite Spoonerisms) but the writing is almost done.

Biff the useless mention - the latest travel memoir book by Tottie Limejuice — Biff the useless mention – the latest travel memoir book by Tottie Limejuice

If you speak French or know anyone who does, the first Sell the Pig book is now out in French. There were a lot of earlier problems with finding a suitable translator but through Facebook, I made contact with Alison Sabedoria, who only lives half an hour from me, who has done an amazing job of staying true to my voice and story.

The little piggy goes oui-oui-oui in the newly-released French

translation of Sell the Pig

New book releases in crime fiction from L M Krier

I’ve been much more prolific with the crime fiction, publishing three books in the DI Ted Darling series (writing as L M Krier) during 2016: Shut Up and Drive, Only the Lonely and Wild Thing. This brings the total number in the series now up to six books and I have made a good start on the seventh, for publication later in 2017.

New book releases in children’s fiction

A big departure for me in 2016 was the publication of my first children’s fiction book, The Dog with the Golden Eyes, written as L M Kay. I was so lucky to find a brilliant illustrator, through social media, from Cornwall, Andrew Campbell-Howes, whose fantastic drawings really brought the whole book to life in a way mere words alone could not do. It’s set in Lincoln, near to where I used to live, and the dog in question is based on my old friend Meic.

Andrew was also responsible for the stunning cover which cleverly captures Meic’s likeness and gives a very dramatic feel to this action adventure with a crime twist.

Children's fiction The Dog with the Golden Eyes, a new venture from Lesley Tither writing as L M Kay — Children’s fiction The Dog with the Golden Eyes, a new venture from Lesley Tither writing as L M Kay

There are also some marvellous internal illustrations, one for each chapter. The book is aimed at all ages from about 7+ and is great for reading together with children. The keen-eyed among them will enjoy a little challenge. Andrew cleverly worked the names of some of my dogs, Meic, Ci, Fleur and Rosie, into the illustrations. It’s great fun to tell children this and then see how many of them they can spot.

Like all of the books, it’s available in either e-book or paperback format. To get the best possible from the drawings, the paperback is best, and it’s perfect for a pocket money budget, at just under a fiver.

So what new book releases can you look forward to in 2017? Pig 5 should hopefully be out first, followed by Ted 7. Then who knows? There is another children’s book on its way, but I’m not yet sure when.

As ever, thanks to everyone who buys and reads the books and please remember, the best way you can show your support for an author is by leaving a review on Amazon. Just a few words is enough – it means a great deal. Thank you.

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Book blog author chat with L M Krier

Book blog author chats are great fun and the ideal way to meet lots of new people. Plus anyone who knows me knows I love to chat. I recently had the honour to be the first guest author on a book blog run by a good friend of mine who goes by the name of Mrs Bloggs.

Book blog guest interview

I’ve been lucky enough to be a guest author on several book blogs lately and it’s always great fun, with well thought-out questions. And a great way to talk about what books I have coming out soon. I appeared on these particular book blogs mostly in my L M Krier identity, although Tottie Limejuice gets a few mentions as well, of course.

I’m hoping that the fourth book in the DI Ted Darling series should be available for pre-order any day now, for delivery to a Kindle near year in the first week of March 2016. I’m excited about the cover for this one, designed as ever by DMR Creative.

Image showing Alt Text — Latest crime fiction book in the DI Ted Darling series

It’s hopefully going to be a busy year for me this year as, hard on the heels of Ted 4, I’m planning on bring out my first-ever children’s fiction, The Dog with the Golden Eyes, which is sort of junior crime fiction.

Next up should be the French translation of the first of the travel memoir series, Sell the Pig. I’m working with the translator now and it’s an exciting project. We’ll need to rework the cover for the French market, although we’ll probably keep the little Pig as he has become something of a trademark for the series.

In addition to all that, I’m hoping to get Tottie’s Tours off the ground this year, relaunching it with a much wider choice of accommodation and price range. You can read all about Tottie’s Tours here. Remember the key is flexibility. If you don’t see the accommodation that’s right for you, just ask me. There are lots to choose from, too many to list on one blog post.

Meanwhile watch this space for details of exact publication dates. And if you are a fan of DI Ted Darling, don’t worry – I will be starting on Book 5 in the series any day now!

New children’s illustrated adventure book – coming soon

As well as writing Travel Memoirs in France as Tottie Limejuice and Crime Fiction as L M Krier, I’m making a departure into the world of children’s books. My first children’s fiction book, The Dog with the Golden Eyes, is coming soon, under the pen-name L M Kay. This is an illustrated adventure story book for children 8-12 years and grown-ups too.

I’m incredibly excited to be working with a hugely talented illustrator/designer on this new project, especially as I’ve just had his first ideas.

It’s about a small boy, Nicholas James Corrigan, who doesn’t speak and who is befriended by a strange dog with whom he discovers he can communicate by thought. Nicholas James was a key witness to a crime when he was younger and now The Man Who Did the Very Bad Thing is back and looking for him.

Can his faithful new friend protect him? There’s only one way to find out!

Watch this space for details of release date. Or you can follow the L M Kay page on Facebook

Brand new Sell the Pig title available NOW

It’s here – at last! The long awaited fourth part of the Sell the Pig trilogy. I know, I know, but you should all know by now that sums are not my strong point.

It’s available for pre-order on Amazon now for all countries and is released on 20 December 2015, just in time for your Christmas treat. The price is a treat, too – my Christmas present to all the kind readers of my books.

‘In March 2007, Tottie left Britain to follow the dream of a new life in France for herself, her elderly mother and her damaged brother. Has the dream turned to a nightmare or is Tottie still happily living the quiet life in her little ‘grottage’ in the Auvergne region of central France?
Come with Tottie now as she takes you on Tottie’s Tours of the Auvergne. Enjoy the familiar ironic humour and keen eye for detail that will bring the landscape and the people to life for you. Be prepared to shed a tear as you say goodbye to some familiar characters. And find out how Tottie took to a life of crime once she retired from her work as a freelance copywriter.
‘Biff the Useless Mention’ is the fourth and concluding part of what started out as a trilogy, with ‘Sell the Pig’, ‘Is That Billinge Lump?’ and ‘Mother Was It Worth It?’. Don’t miss this concluding part of the ‘Sell the Pig’ series.
‘Mother, mother, it’s a bugger, sell the pig and buy me out’.’

The bad news is that this is the last ever Sell the Pig book. But it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped writing altogether. Far from it. The DI Ted Darling crime books are going down a storm and No 4 of those should be out in the new year.

That will hopefully be followed before too long by the first of my children’s fiction books, The Dog with the Golden Eyes.

And there will be lots more to come. I’ve been talking of writing the prequel to the Pigs for ages, so next year may be the year. 2016 is also the year I’m relaunching Tottie’s Tours of the Auvergne in a completely new format, with lots of choice of accommodation, from luxury B&B to budget comfort in a campsite chalet. Watch this space for more information.

You’ll find full details of all my books on my Amazon author pages under Tottie Limejuice (travel memoirs) and L M Krier (crime fiction)

So don’t miss out on the chance to be one of the first to read the brand new last Pig in the series, Biff the Useless Mention. The new little Pig is currently at No 3 in the bestseller lists so please do spread the word among all your friends and let’s see if we can get it to No 1 in time for Christmas!

Festive greetings to you all and thank you for your custom and support.

Tottie

Early work short story by Tottie Limejuice

I wrote this years – decades, even – ago, and recently found it lurking in an old battered suitcase in the attic. It’s a satirical piece I wrote in response to some early chicklit, before it was even called that, which I had read somewhere or seen on the telly.

It’s a hot and sticky day outside, too hot to do anything at all, so I thought I would share it here for your amusement.

Your can probably tell how much my sense of humour owes to the likes of Terry Wogan and I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again.

Enjoy! And above all, don’t take a word of it seriously!

Love in a Blue Uniform

Dinah Droopy-Drawers

‘And take your blue budgie with you!’

David’s last angry words rang in my ears as he slammed the front door of the police house in my face, and on my marriage.

Fighting back tears, I stood on the pavement outside and my mind went back to the start of it all. That day at the police ball, when I first saw Neil.

He was everything David was not. Tall, dark, handsome, the unmistakeable bulge of his truncheon noticeable through the thick blue serge of his uniform.

When he smiled at me, I wanted to melt. Why did David’s looks never do that to me. Make me want to melt away like Fry’s chocolate in front of a winter log fire.

When he took me in his arms for that first dance, it seemed as if we would never more drift apart. Why could we not stay that way forever, drinking each other in with our eyes?

Because of David, of course.

That and nosy Mrs Jones at the police house opposite. What did she think, I wondered, to see Neil’s car outside so often when David was on nights? It must have seemed a strange time to be practising point duty in the bedroom. But of course, Neil was on duty, and if my bedroom was part of his beat, that was all right.

Then that dreadful day, when David should have been directing traffic in the centre of town. Instead he returned unexpectedly to find Neil and me engaged in learning riot control on the sofa.

‘I must warn you that anything you say may be taken down and used in evidence,’ he said hotly, as Neil silently retrieved his trousers from where they were draped over the budgie’s cage, shaking his foot where the Jack Russell had peed on it in excitement.

But nothing could keep us apart. Not David’s anger, nor even when Neil was posted to distant Snettertoneast. We knew we were meant for each other, and our love was a thing that could not be denied.

‘No matter what you say, I’ll always love him,’ I told David tearfully one day over supper – our anniversary. We had been married just six months and he had prepared my favourite meal, one Ryvita biscuit with half a radish, and covered the table with 182 daisies, one for every day since our marriage.

Poor David. He tried so hard to make it work. But I knew that there was only one man meant for me, and that my only mistake had been ever to believe that David and I were meant for each other.

But how could I tell him I was leaving him? I was fond of him, even though he threw me downstairs every day and went out for forty-two pints and a game of darts with the boys each evening when he came back from the beat.

I knew he wanted to make a go of it. But that night, when he had left for work and I heard him trying to claw his way through the wooden back door to get to me convinced me.

That and the time I woke and found him standing over me, staring with glassy, lustful eyes at my body in its see-through chiffon nightie-ette which Neil had bought for me because he said it matched the colour of my eyes.

I had to tell him. Summoning my courage one morning, I said, as we were tucking into the Wheatybangs, ‘David, Neil and I love each other, we’re going to run away and live in sin in a Salvation Army hostel in Saundersfoot.’

For a moment, I thought he would strike me. His anger was so towering. Then, with a choking noise, he pitched face forward into the porridge, pointing to the door and sobbing wordlessly for me to get out of his life.

Sighing, remembering, I turned round to pick up my bags – and found that the budgie had been run over by a No. 47 bus.

Coming soon – new books by Tottie Limejuice

I can’t seem to stop writing currently! I’m obsessed, in a good way.

As a result, there will be two new books coming out shortly, to be followed by one or two more by the end of the year,hopefully.

I’m now writing under some different pen names, so I hope you are managing to keep up! I recently published my first every crime novel, Baby’s Got Blue Eyes, under the pen name of L M Krier. Actually, it is my two initials and one of my surnames. It’s had a good reception so far and will shortly be joined by Book II in the DI Ted Darling series. The plot for Book III is already swilling round in what I laughingly call my brain, so if you have got as fond of the characters as I have, there is more to come.

I’ll shortly be bringing out my first children’s book, The Dog with the Golden Eyes, under the name of L M Kay. You can see what I did there! The reason for all these different names is that the genres are very different. Nobody would take seriously a crime writer called Tottie Limejuice, and a children’s book written by a writer of murder mysteries might not be too well received.

It’s a nostalgic type of animal adventure book for children of about 8-10, ideal for reading aloud to share. It’s similar to some of those on which I cut my teeth growing up; Enid Blyton, the Pullein Thompson sisters, that sort of thing. The dog in question is loosely based on one of my previous dogs, Meic, and the setting is based on Lincoln, near where I used to live.

After that comes DI Ted Darling Book II. The name is under wraps for now, I’m superstitious. The subject matter is topical and sees Ted wrestling dark demons from his own past in trying to solve his latest case.

Some of my readers have been asking if there will be any more in the Sell the Pig series. I was going to hang up my memoir hat for the time being but with the new venture of Tottie’s Tours starting this year, I think there will be plenty of irresistible material in that for a sequel to the original trilogy.

If you’ve read and enjoyed any of the books, please feel free to tell your friends or share them on social media. And do drop by the Tottie Limejuice Chat Group on Facebook for all the latest news and gossip.

See you there?

Tottie Limejuice live on Blog Talk Radio

Anyone who knows me will tell you I love to talk! I take after my paternal grandmother in that. She could talk all four legs of the proverbial donkey and then some.

So I was delighted recently to be asked by author Tumika Patrice Cain to do a telephone interview with her on BlogTalkRadio.com.

I had a few anxious moments, as my internet is unreliable, to say the least. My techy friend Alex says it’s about as much use as a piece of wet string, although all that is set to change. Incredibly, we are getting fibre optic in our tiny little hamlet in the middle of nowhere. Cables have been laid and I am told we should be connected within a month.

But in the meantime it was a case of putting my trust in the wet string and hoping the sudden high winds would not bring down trees across phone lines and cut me off.

Then there was the question of working out the time difference, with my famously appalling maths, and factoring in the change, the morning of the broadcast, to British Summer Time or Daylight Saving time, whatever it is called these days.

The final obstacle to be overcome was, as soon as I started to talk, my dog Fleur decided she also wished to be interviewed and opened her mouth to bark! I had to sprint up the stairs to my bedroom quickly, with the cordless telephone, leaving her downstairs. As I have slight asthma, the result was a rather breathless start to the interview!

But it all went very well, and there was less of a time lag than I feared. I was able to get in lots of plugs for all of my books and I thoroughly enjoyed the chat. You can listen to it here.

Talking of my books, the Three Little Pigs, ‘Sell the Pig’, ‘Is That BillingeLump?’ and ‘Mother, Was It Worth It?’, all written under the pen name Tottie Limejuice, have all now had facelifts with new cover designs from the talented Dave Michael Rogers, DMR Creative.

All now feature the cute little Pig who is a real scene-stealer, and the paperbacks also sport the French flag down the spine. All are available from Amazon in all countries.

Meanwhile I am busy writing the second in my crime series, featuring DI Ted Darling, the sequel to ‘Baby’s Got Blue Eyes‘, written under the name of L M Krier (part of my real name), which is quietly chalking up some good reviews.

The next exciting project, later this year, will be the publication of a children’s book, ‘The Dog with the Golden Eyes’, under the name of L M Kay. It’s a nostalgic adventure story about a small boy and a dog. Watch this space for details of its release date.

Coming soon – brand new crime thriller

Somewhat belated Happy New Year to everyone. I apologise for the lack of recent posts but the reason has been a feverish spate of writing, co-writing and editing.

Just before Christmas, friends Jill Pennington, Janet Holt and I got together to meet up, write and publish a book called Take Three Birds, under the collective pen name of Jilli Lime Holt. It’s the rather crazy account of our decision to meet up in the flesh, having previously only ever ‘spoken’ via social media, e mail and text messages. It’s gone down rather well.

I’ve also been revamping the Sell the Pig series books, with smart new covers designed by DMR Creative, as well as a change of publisher for the middle one, Is That Billinge Lump. You can find details of all my books on my Amazon author page.

Cheesy as it sounds, after a dream which gave me most of the plot for a work of fiction, I have taken my first tentative steps into the world of crime writing. My first ever crime novel should be out in February 2015. As ever, I am keeping details of it under wraps until the last minute.

As it’s a detective novel, I’ll give you a clue so you can see if you can solve the mystery.

The title is a line from an Elton John song. That’s your lot.

As soon as it’s available for pre-order, I will let you have a look at the cover and synopsis and hopefully some of you will buy and read it.

Watch this space!